The Weight of Indecision

Since I returned from my Grand Canyon trip a few months ago, I’ve had many ideas, thoughts and beliefs racing and strolling through my mind.

What is it I REALLY want for my “one wild and precious life”?

  • Why and why now am I so caught up in this question?
  • What is preventing me from making decisions and making progress?
  • What happens if I don’t make decisions?
  • What will it take for me to choose?

The weight of this indecision is…

  • frustrating – why do I not seem willing to decide?
  • annoying – I should know better because this is one of the areas I help other with
  • paralysing – a daily feeling of stuckness and feeling like I’ve been here for while.

…and on my more self aware days, I’m trusting and accepting that for some reason I’m not awake enough to understand or realise the Universe is offering me this time to mull it over, ponder, dive deeper and peel back more layers to explore and discover my real, authentic and truthful answers or options to these questions.

So as I sit in my favourite café – yes again – a single shot Americano with hot milk and a slice of lemon and ginger crunch as my companions, I have another chance to pause and ponder.

I often say to clients, getting your thoughts out of your head can help you get a different level of clarity, organise those thoughts, make them real and make them present.

Is this working for me right now? Yes and…

Yes I’m getting clearer about what I really want and …
I also feel resistance which I’m sensing is based on fear of “what if…? And “how do I …?

  • What if what I think I want is not what I really want? (I call this the Spice Girls dilemma – “tell me what you want what you really really want”)
  • What if I go for it and it doesn’t work out?
  • What if I can’t manage financially (this is a big block for me as was in severe financial trouble about 8 years ago and I really fear a repetition – even though there are no current signs to indicate any problems nor am I worried about my finances at the moment)

Then I would ask my clients,

  • What if what you think you want IS what you really want?
  • What if your Spice Girls dilemma was solved?
  • What if you go for it and it exceeds your expectations?
  • What if it all works out? How would you feel?
  • What if you were financially stable and felt content, secure around money?

So coffee and cake are finished and I’m going to “wander ponder” – a new habit I’m forming.

Instead of eating or watching more episodes of Gilmore Girls on Netflix, I get outside, let nature surround me, get into gratitude and appreciation for all that’s good in my life and allow a deeper level of clarity to emerge. This also fulfils a goal of mine to focus more on my overall health, fitness and well-being. Yes the coffee and cake are not necessarily helping that – AND that’s OK for now.


  1. Helena Holrick
    18th March 2019

    I think you and I are peas in a pod. (and I go out for Wonder Wanders). xx

    • Beverley Hamilton
      18th March 2019

      Love that you go for Wonder Wanders Helena – we will do more of that in April, well a short one at least.

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