Welcome to week one of our Wholehearted Living challenge, based on the work of Brene Brown and specifically from the book The Gifts of Imperfection.
As I shared in my blog post of 5th July 2019, I’m choosing to dive into the 10 guideposts to help us live a wholehearted life and my invitation to you is, dive in too.
Wholehearted living is a daily lifelong choice to embrace courage compassion and connection, no matter what.
The guidepost I’m choosing to start with is Number 5 – Cultivating Intuition and Trusting Faith: Letting Go of the Need for Certainty.
I recognise that all too often, my “stuckness”, procrastination and avoidance is down to my need for certainty. On the one hand this is helpful so that I don’t act irrationally or irresponsibly, and on the other hand it can limit my access to exploring, experimenting and evolving.
I’ve come to know that a long held story I unconsciously created when I was 17 also drives my need for certainty. (I won’t bore you with the full story nor how I became conscious of it here) That story is “I’m not ready”. The story emerged from a real situation but I embodied it, unconsciously, for many years, to a degree that I now realise it shaped decisions and actions throughout my life and not always in helpful ways.
What’s also interesting is that I have a real sense of adventure and I love exploring new places, new things, new ideas and possibilities where certainty of outcome, enjoyment or capability is not assured and I also love the freedom of “just do it”.
This paradox is fascinating to my little brain. So Beverley you want certainty and freedom? How does that work?
My need for certainty means my internal, often unconscious, questioning process goes like this.
- Do you really want to do/have this?
- What if you’re wrong?
- What if you’re right?
- What will happen if you do /get this?
- What if you’re not ready?
- What if the timing isn’t right?
- What if you miss a critical component?
- What will “they” say?
- Maybe this is just another fantasy, weird idea etc. etc.?
- I better wait, avoid, stay quiet, learn more first.
My need for certainty can be powerful!
As I’m choosing to be a different version of myself (or maybe it’s the real me rearing her head) I’m allowing myself to feel what’s right through listening to my higher self; the self who only has my best interests at heart and is story free. I’m noticing that the more I trust my intuition and the more I feel for “that” feeling in my gut, the more relaxed and peaceful I feel – both about making or not making decisions.
Brene Brown decided, as a result of her research, that she would create a definition of intuition that reflected what the people she interviewed, who were living wholehearted lives, shared with her.
“Intuition is not a single way of knowing – it’s our ability to hold space for uncertainty and our willingness to trust the many ways we’ve developed knowledge and insight including instinct, experience, faith and reason”
Within that definition, I sense the possibility of using my mind, body and soul in harmony to make decisions that give me a level of certainty whilst simultaneously allowing for the possibility to choose freedom to explore the unknown.
Your Invitation to Play
- How are you cultivating intuition and trusting faith?
- How might your need for certainty be limiting new possibilities in any/every part of your life?
- What stories are you playing out that might be unhelpfully influencing your decisions and actions?
- What one experiment could you play with his week to use your intuition and gut?
- What one action will you take “in faith”?
Please join the Wholehearted Living Challenge and share your insights, experiences and results so we can celebrate and learn together.
The next guidepost I’m pondering will be guidepost 1 Cultivating Authenticity: Letting Go of What People Think.